laura claridge

Zach: Zach looked at the blonde girl who had taken his arm, looked down at her hand, and back up into her blue eyes. He let a grin float onto ...

*They're called Greasers for a reason... As Bob the Soc says, "Do you know what a Greaser is? White trash with long greasy hair."* *I apologize if anyone here actually ...

right about now. The sun was breaking through the clouds, pushing the shadows back into dark alleys and small corners. Water still pooled on the ground and the trees still ...

Though, I don't think he was the type to write a poem lol! Lol no, he's probably not... maybe he was drunk?? Though I do think he was dead at ...

Yeah, you could try using commas at the end of dialog. ah yup, i get you. I'll try my best for the next chapter :)

Maraea (mar-ay-uh) I had a friend at my old school with this exact name :lol: Age: she's twenty three, the rules said 14 - 21...

clues of beats. what are beats?? Do you mean beatings ? called to her a young boy A young boy called to her. Then, the boy began to kick her, ...

You know i like all your stuff. No different here. And here I was, avoiding going home and explaining why I had been picked up by the cops after skipping ...

I’m big and strong, Rough and tuff. I still don’t get how a hood like me Could lose it over a kid like you. Your eyes reveal your innocence But ...

Wow. I really like this. I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I liked the way it rhymed. It adds a sort of magical quality to it, which ...

First up, I enjoyed reading this. But maybe you should put it in separate lines. The one big line was hard to read. I'm not too big one the whole ...

why? you don't really need a question mark here. I really liked this. I loved the way some bits rhymed. It's a very deep, thought-provoking poem. the only thing i ...

I'm back because i was intrigued by the first chapter :D Again with the paragraphing. For me, seeing just one big block of writing is un-nerving and hard to read, ...

i've never liked halo much :? so I'm not too sure of the whole plot, keeping in character thing here. but i will say that you could maybe paragraph your ...

One thing though: I can't follow your dialogue too well. It's kind of confusing. thanks for your review. Any tips and/or ideas on how i could make the dialogue less ...